"you promise we'll never come back?" " i promise."

when u find yourself wandering alone on a peopleless road at 1 in the morning smelling the hatred of knowing someone u once loved loved someone else seeing only teary trees wishing oh-if-only-someone-could-lift-the-weight-from-my-heart wondering if last year had been anything more than some mistakes and heartaches

then out in that nowhere

it surprises even the myself when all i can think of is this

the blog

the words

the silent written revenge

or maybe, better put, the long-due confession

why did i hear my own sobs felt my own tears when i heard that he almost kissed her the other night

its so predictable its almost what would and should have happened

its either him kissing someone or me falling into others embrace

its always just a game of who-gets-there-first

but as i tried to relate the spoken news into unseen reality

i felt these foreign waves of pain

washing out all other emotions on the inside

it started from the toes to the head

then came the cold limbs

the pounding sense of hunger

and an appetite bloated with mistakes regrets

it always begins with the pain

the pain from the loss and not-found

then almost immediately anger finds its place with the waterfall of tears

the rage of falling victim to believing oh so foolishly

that words like you-are-the-girl-of-my-dreams still exist

the anger of not knowing the formula of forgetting

instead got scratched and torn and wounded for merely believing for one more time its right to hold on and not let go

the worst part u wana know wut the worst part is

it is when all the answers to the questions directed themselves to the founder

it is exactly like how the needle of a compass always points to the north

the worst part is when u realise

u are north

u are the voices in ur head

u are the one who hoped who got urself hurt who fall head over heels for the wrong person

again.

again?

again...

i need no are-u-okays. i need no miracles. i need no other shoulder no other helping hand

this time i need to pick myself up

replay the pain and remember it

remember the price i have to pay everytime i fall for another fairytale

the reason why no one deserves to be too happy

and no one too sad

for once fatigue became the best remedy

i wonder if it meant anything

if i meant anything

if everything meant anything

and the crumpled note was left unread

amongst the bushes where we once sneaked out

if only u got my words

if only it would make a difference

its best to say ciao when u know something just doesnt deserve forever