a midsummer night's dream

where to begin?
so so so much happened. its almost impossible to even believe all this is actually happening
it has been three long short weeks
three unique stories with three very unique men
boys, u changed my life.
and when i say u did, u did.

woke up to some sparkling diamond, tangled around thee neck.
felt a bit sad, just remembering the bunch of roses left hastily on top of the washing machine
a teary kiss and some tearier begging
" make sure i get invited to the wedding"

my heart died the day i crumpled the unread letter
the day i realise no one deserve to be loved as dearly
as time will tell
that forever doesnt exist
then he came along

it was simply bang bang bang at first
too much "fuck you" "dont lemme see you again at the chambers" "i dont wana see your face anymore"
followed by some sorry
some sorrier act.
then things got steamy, confused, lovely.
what enthrals me the most:
the combination of paul smith sunshine men and cigs

what if
what if time could tell
that time doesnt constitute an excuse
that broken hearts can be fixed
that i dont need your commitment

what if
we tell each other
maybe its possible
even if its impossible
even if it means
some secret will forever lay forever
locked inside some secret vault in the left ventricles

its been long since i dreamt of someone.
and woke up to the same someone breathing next to me
its pretty amazing
what wonderful feelings a midsummer night's dream can bring

he asked: "whats the most beautiful thing you know?"
i said: " me. "
he told me he had three kids. and will be divorcing his wife in the week to come.
i will be living across the street of his firm in london, in the week to come.

why do the wrong things feel so right sometimes
therefore i write. to find myself, to make things right
i know no new post can mend the mistakes i've made this summer
but at least,
i stayed true to my words.



smoke talk

do u know whats pushing your limits

i do

and i am doing it


is this no going back?

i tried

no regrets


understand me.

funny eh? things. the world. us.
somethings are always different
never the same, not even similar

somethings r never understandable
never meant to be understood

time. soul. sometimes they fill up the gap

but why bother when its the gap that makes this world reality instead of a dream

its the un-understandable that makes things interesting

so that every discovery makes u skip a hearbeat

so that u feel alive everytime you declare something different "familiar"

we are all born collectors.

human collectors.

we search, and search...

until we found the other us that can really understand.

but can they?

is understand even something possible?

try - sounds way more practical yeh?

so we'll
and try
and try

until one day

we can almost.



time is of the essence

i will explain.
first it's work. yeh i know, work and summer doesnt sound quite right but actually it does
had been blending amongst the white collars for a week
along with the buttoned up shirts (which i swear, can never pull off, no matter how many times some fashion blog reminds me that its some '10 dandy trend),
venti papercups some caffine tinted air some more cig-cooked afternoons
give me one more line and i could just trash it up
by tellin how much i felt at home with all the synchronization

the components of my work doesn't really coincide with title in the teeniest way
instead, its may suggest something of the different kind
but still, its one mind-blowing week comparable to leo's sci-fi
someone please plant some idea in me
and preferably
something tht suggest
it'll be alright
life would be alright
we'll all be alright

stayed up last nite to figure out some europe routes
fyi, its now merely london --> paris --> london
not too bad i suppose,
i just hope i could hold back those tears
if there's any, that is

one hour due court.
one of my most frequent tweets/sayings last week and this as well
new boss.
wonder how things will turn out.
i actually loved every bit of my last counsel.
the intricate antiques buggly chinese paintings and above all,
the freedom of vogue-reading amongst cases
and unlimited coffee breaks cotton on breaks lunch breaks movie breaks
what kind of work is that yeh?

amidst the interrogation and witness statements
i proudly produced a map
" the way to the future"
like howard huges calls it
and before i get too carried away with the smart looking table
something hit me
some fear of some sort crept into me as i write, against my vocation- 30 years of age
and that itself,
sound somewhat similar to a death sentence
and i still didnt, more like couldnt, figure out where to place "marry a rich good-looking guy and have some babies"

so. time is of the essence. no?

i was amusing myself with those worn out memories
faces caked in powder too much curls too much blings
but never my mother and father
they prided themselves in fred perry, high-waist trousers, over-coat
assesorized in youth and youth itself
occasionally, a wrong bag here and a little too much hair there
but mostly its just a reflection of the weather
and themselves

i wonder if i can still walk into the streets of roma, paris
without tinted moisurizer, primer of any sort
and could still stand tall and bold
taking strides into the louvre sunset
i may choose to take refugee under a camel coat
or a buttoned up military drape
and pretend they're some quarantine
from all thats against me
and my world

speaking of which,
i have less than an hour to suit up
just wana drop in and give some advice
i promise i will organize my thoughts a little better next time.


we dream, for a better tomorrow

mesh wire, churches, strawberry fields
with red chiffon dress masking some desperation
and songs with lyrics that send earthquakes
thru broken hearts and torn out souls
saluting with skinny venti papercups in even skinnier hands
i can smell ideas and dream composure

this is only the beginning


saturday sketch

today, the house sounded strangely quiet.
no annoying door slamming, abrupt air-con switching off
no balls being kicked into my face
shd be enjoying the peace and space happily yeh?
human are addicted to warfare

didnt know pearl harbour could last 3 hrs
i actually believed it to be one of the most excitingly short warfare films
it turned out to be one of the best collaboration with big names aka michael bay, hanz zimmer, ben affleck...
an amazing saturday, day and night
and the discovery of some piece of silence amongst the hustle and bustle

an ad-less haven

they say, when the clouds part, he'll speak.
are u listening?

caffine, capri, vintage chanel

sometimes words are excess. things define us.

it's all about colours. and this lucky girl found hers.

hold that sweet smile. we've got the sun behind our backs :)