until then

The idyllic week in dubai was an escape, as well as a literal full stop,

To the denial the rebellion the unnecessary pain

They say dreamers spend too much time dwelling on imaginary torture

Always fooled themselves in thinking theres way more to what is already seemingly true

Sometimes somethings are no more than a hault, a breath, a sigh

But there are some other things, which deserve the pained endurance of time

Under the moonlit path, she spoke so carelessly of the unspoken

“can you believe that she’s gone?”

I rummaged the clean brisky air for an answer

“it felt like yesterday when she left the house, the last dinner we had, when she called about the cake design. We all hoped she’ll just get it over with. Are we being a little too harsh?”

for a minute, I don’t know what to say

its not guilt, its not melancholy. Its just a plain truth.

“I think we’ll have to get used to the absent extra birthday cake.”

Sometimes, I think our minds and body know better of themselves than we do of them

We should not spend time on telling our mind when to stop thinking

Or our body when to stop eating

Maybe we just need to focus more on survival

The ultimate time killer

Until then,

With love.

i see

its funny how your mind clear itself in the mornings

these days it seemed to have gone through years

when i was asleep

so everyday i opened my eyes

to another long denied truth

something i have chosen in indeliberately, to stay blind to

or deliberately to rummage for in the confusion of youth

somethings like

the little bruises he got when he scratched himself on the uneven wallpaper

yesterday when he couldn't walk in a straight line, anymore.

I was too held up in the clouds to have noticed.

somethings like

the lingering look i threw at him

when we bid farewell in the car

when he didn't return one of a similar kind

and i still thought the kiss goodbye's

a lot sweeter than it should be

somethings like

i thought i'll be one of the girls who'll get through all the love, unhurt

though wrong way-ed, praying the somebody who said theres a price to pay for every happiness is another rambler

somehow suddenly,

they fell into place

the eyes once i've tried so hard to open

opened themselves

a little too wide on this early chinese new year morning

so little girls

when they said you've grown up a little too early

it's definitely not a compliment.

this is not a joke. So please start smiling

he said

helpless is when

you can't wake up from a nightmare

i thought

hopeless is when

you are too sad you don't know how to love

we both lost something

someone important in our lives

is it the sudden emptiness that defines the pain

or the lack of love of smiles of hugs

the confusion of tangible nostalgia that should be exposed, but refrained?

love is a hanging petal of a rose

too beautiful to touch

too beautiful just to watch

from a distance

and the moment the contact is made

it fell, all signs of life waived

in another time

or another space

i'll hold you

and maybe, should have told you

thank you for only leaving trials

of laughter

that day i dropped you off at your place

the first time i drove

you sat frozen in the passenger seat

i saw you left

i secretly wanted to rush home

you secretly peeped through the gate

we secretly hoped that it would be the beginning of new days

Thank you

you taught me how to love.

i'll be found.

don't try too hard

don't drop too hard

don't ask why

because what goes around comes around

because they didn't tell you

growing up

is a personal war

its you and you alone

they who came and gone

should be left where they belong

it's just kind of fortunate

that you were there for him when he was there for you

otherwise.

i use to think

its stupid to cry

for the same thing

(maybe a different person)

over and over again

then some song came along

told me

its a luxury

yes tearing is a luxury

feeling is a luxury

happy, hurt

hurt, happy

i tried to fix everyone of them

wishing i could someday fix myself

are we broken?

how broken?

so broken even love

love of any kind

can't put us back together again?

thankyou for sharing this moment

for walking into my life

because of you and you and you and you

i feel that the long road ahead

is not that winding after all

how can you be found

when you aren't once lost?

take me to whimsical land

same scene

laughed like nothing ever happened

"sorry"

its not always too late to apologize

nothing changed when every things changing

the world is relative

so is love

its never easy

for one to be with the other during the hardest times

when you are so versatile when everyone speaks the worst out you

when only she believed in the person she met

i didn't have the courage to listen to my heart

instead, like all others

i live by hearsay

don't be sorry. I am sorry.

maybe another time

but you know me he knows me like i know myself

maybe understanding is not the sprout of love

its just a brutally true realization

that its time to be a better person

where on earth can i find another person

to sleep under the stars with me again

he did

we did

he said he didn't like to be in that foreign place love can't save him, nor does two years time

I want to hold his dear face

cut his throat look into his eyes

its your choice

be a man

don't dare to break her heart

because mine died once when she left

life is not a derivative of wants

its a chain of needs

i still believe

when one day i stopped living for myself

when its time to share the love

we'll all become beautiful

now

lets sit down and talk to the moon

let the owls sleep

let the world go on

and take you with it