tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51923482463324289952024-02-19T19:05:57.042+08:00why chau when its foreverHelen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.comBlogger199125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-73036813732223367422013-06-09T15:31:00.000+08:002013-06-09T15:32:31.806+08:00Have i told you latelywhen one is growing up,<br />
<br />
the soul takes up more space than the body needs<br />
<br />
it hangs on to every praise, every love, every smile and twinkle in the eye<br />
<br />
to circumvent the negativities of daily comings<br />
<br />
today i felt like a baby blue who needs to throw her tantrum<br />
<br />
who will be understanding enough not to judge?<br />
<br />
<br />
in the battle field of emotions<br />
<br />
you either hurt or be hurt<br />
<br />
i wish he was here to teach me how<br />
<br />
hes my green light<br />
<br />
someone i wish to run to and never turn around<br />
<br />
i wish not to be blinded by the sun<br />
<br />
but be bathed in the warmth of moonlight<br />
<br />
the only one that guides me home<br />
<br />
oh and did i tell you<br />
<br />
home might not be back<br />
<br />
i am in search of mine in the far away land of loveHelen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-1672939844642475302013-02-17T04:07:00.001+08:002013-02-17T04:07:52.973+08:00...I know this is love
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<br />
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Sometimes seeing him smile <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Melts my worries. His baby angelic smile is always hidden
behind his ego<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With me, he is the 9 year old boy he always wish to remember
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He said pauline looked like peter pan today<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope she can bring us back to the days when we never have
to grow up <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He told me a lot of things, taught me a lot of ways of
thinking<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He said life is hard, but our job is to make it easier for
ourselves<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He said its all about figuring out how it works <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The mechanism of life, that is the key to happiness<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Being content is a side effect of understanding<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Be it love, life or lament<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He told me things I wanted to hear and those I don't <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He drew me a painting, taught me to be strong <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He told me to follow my dreams, not in a airy lighthearted
way<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But concretely, to fly away with him, to be near him, to
build our little community of heaven together<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He told me to write a letter of appreciation to my mother<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Never to forget to tell her how amazing a mother she is <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He told me to have to visit my parents in Hong Kong at least
once every year<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He said other than your family, you are alone in this world<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How much value are
words worth?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But when I look into his eyes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know its love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-51412489386339237632012-12-27T04:05:00.001+08:002012-12-27T04:05:23.314+08:00never too much love if i am too tiny to embrace your sorrows<br />
<br />
let my eyes hug your soul<br />
<br />
this christmas we filled it with smiles and laughter<br />
<br />
but why even if thoughts are stubborn time is short<br />
<br />
let me not be greedy, but shelter all the good<br />
<br />
memories are chosen, life is to learn<br />
<br />
so i learn to remember what he said to me<br />
<br />
"theres never too much love"<br />
<br />
<br />Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-53398815005679261362012-12-20T23:22:00.002+08:002012-12-20T23:22:23.949+08:00forget me not
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">Maybe I kept myself really busy with life <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">So I can stop thinking about the things that
pierce my heart <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">Who doesn't get hurt anyways <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">Who does the earth stop spinning for<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">Until I tried to draw the bear <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">The talks about how I didn’t care <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">I realize I took it a little too far <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">A little too seriously <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">And it killed us <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">Just because you cared too much <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">And now, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">He stayed the same, I changed my lifestyle <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">I need to be safe and sound <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">But you are walking above the ground <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">When someday we can both find a new
personality <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">So that the love doesn’t get lost in
translation <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">We can fall back into the stars<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: ZH-HK;">And try <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-9358858279928286462012-10-27T22:57:00.000+08:002012-10-27T23:16:49.771+08:00Can you hear me?i was singing until i realise i had to lower down to a whisper<br />
<br />
because he always said I was too loud<br />
<br />
then I realise again<br />
<br />
that he probably couldn't really hear me at all now<br />
<br />
maybe he would have wanted me to shout<br />
<br />
but I decide to sing<br />
<br />
I hope<br />
<br />
If I sing beautifully enough<br />
<br />
it would soften his worn out heart<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
p.s. today I asked my brother what his favourite colour is, he said it's red.<br />
<br />
I hope he doesn't hurt too many hearts when he grow up<br />
<br />
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<br />Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-57084039053716930542012-10-27T21:19:00.001+08:002012-10-27T21:32:54.713+08:00I am wonderstuck to have met you we walked, we stopped, its closed<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he looked sad, i tried to make him smile, he is determined to find his own way</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
we started to walk again, i told him silently that i don't care where we were when i'm with him</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
we stopped, in front of a familiar place</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
we sat, down and I saw the old me</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
with the old him on the other side of the table </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
it felt like yesterday</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
when nothing but him matters the world to me</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and now we are sitting here on the other side</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he told me that the beef yakitori taste like heaven</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I smiled</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I wish I can let him know</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how glad I was on the other side with him </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
when I started to explain, the memories that hurt</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he started to laugh, and told me about the pork neck salad he had at home</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
which is way worse than the pork neck asparagus yakitori we had </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I wanted him to let me know</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how much love it takes </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
to make a wounded girl smile </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
as if yesterday did not happen </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
thankyou<br />
<br />
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Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-59434036900874392542012-10-20T00:32:00.002+08:002012-10-20T00:32:52.878+08:00I am always here, where your heart lies i met a man<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
who told me things i dont know </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and things i wanted to find out </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he made me reconsider, when it took me 3 years to learn to stop where the mind starts to wander </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he made me feel safe </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
to believe that it can be better </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and that there are always more than one route that leads to the same goal </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
sometimes I wish I can wipe the tiredness from his eyes </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
what has he seen that I haven't?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how can he believe in what I don't? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he loved me in a way that made me stronger</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I learned to walk home in the dark, fearless</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
because he is the only one who took me home </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
made me feel safe and sound </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he made me smile to myself at times when I am awake </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he made me feel that there is more to each day, than just longing for a better tomorrow</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I wanted to let him know </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I couldn't let go </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he said he can forget the pain of work when he enjoys our presence</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I hope I can make his world better </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
with love </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-24546706668904701152012-10-17T00:33:00.000+08:002012-10-17T01:42:08.850+08:00練習,一個人<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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what does it take to make me learn to love?</div>
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<br /></div>
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how can i shed my tears silently </div>
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<br /></div>
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how can i speak loudly to the people i love?</div>
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how can i stop myself from running?</div>
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<br /></div>
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how can i stay? in the trouble i made for myself? and own up to my own mistakes? my responsibilities?</div>
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<br /></div>
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i wil txt her and tell her i will learn to talk again</div>
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<br /></div>
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i will look him in the eye and tell him i will be better</div>
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<br /></div>
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i will wake up and smile to a new day, and thank the people who made it a better place :)</div>
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<br />Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-71657712180479854052012-10-15T03:26:00.002+08:002012-10-15T03:26:46.703+08:00I want to run, into the pastcant sleep?<br />
<br />
i kept going through what happened, the hurt i felt where the happiness was<br />
<br />
the mistrust, the misrep, the misunderstanding<br />
<br />
maybe this is all my dream<br />
<br />
maybe i took all of this too serious<br />
<br />
and made it my reality<br />
<br />
even when it feels real today, tell me what you feel tomorrow<br />
<br />
he said I am a fickle girl,<br />
<br />
i dont see how he isn't<br />
<br />
me to myself<br />
<br />
him to everyone else<br />
<br />
I told him I want to know him inside out, even the past he wanted so much to leave behind<br />
<br />
I wonder if I really want to<br />
<br />
I want to see<br />
<br />
but I keep on forgetting<br />
<br />
I only remember the happiness, swift<br />
<br />
and the fear that is permanent<br />
<br />
the fear of having to have everything taken away from you<br />
<br />
I want to run<br />
<br />
where to?<br />
<br />
into his open arms<br />
<br />
and tell him I wish<br />
<br />
we loved.Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-39179679026065620842012-10-11T08:49:00.000+08:002012-10-11T08:52:44.293+08:00Keep your heart hanging in goldthis morning,<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I woke up to a madeon lineup. It really made me think, did I really care, but I smiled because I remember I did, and thats what really mattered</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sometimes I do wonder, whether the real life shattering moments in life, is worth for you to linger</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
some moments like when Maroon 5 is serenading " I won't go home without you" and the aftermath of an electiczoo linup in New York, when nothing beats having the time of your life at that moment on that night. Or simply when LeeHom sings his heart out 2 metres high above the ground, or even, when the ABT dances Romeo & Juliet away in front of your very eyes. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What is there not to believe?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My mind leanrt to smile, briefly, and let whatever wants to catch its attention fall into the background, so that enjoyment is a skill to be achieved instead of an emotion to be triggered </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
in time, you learn to take a piece of something away from dans le moment</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
something like a smile in the picture, the soundtrack of a summer, and maybe the touch of a skin</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and then you learn to lock it somewhere in the softest part of your skin, and let it be </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
until you find your way back to it someday, if you can</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I took my words</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so that without the images and sounds and feelings, it feels less real</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
whenever I decided to go back,</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I can still imagine it to be as good as it can be<br />
<br />
i kept the part of my mind, the youth, the impact. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
keep your heart hanging in gold. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-40237490445830743322012-10-03T10:22:00.004+08:002012-10-03T10:22:56.796+08:00tears and rainMaybe there are really some kind of people like us out there<br />
<br />
who does not deserve the love<br />
<br />
some chose to mask unhappiness with a smile<br />
<br />
I wanted to believe in it, but I just cant<br />
<br />
maybe being unhappy is just a state of mind<br />
<br />
maybe my mind is too slow and small for a big world like this<br />
<br />
if this is just the beginning of the hurt, then give me the armour to understand it all<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
maybe love is never a shield from the hurt </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
i would like to think its a certain kind of space</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
the little free white space where you call it home and freedom</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
where you let the unhappiness roam, and the happiness reign</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
instead of waiting for the one who loves you in all your forms,</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
i need to learn to become one myself</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
so when there is a day </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
when love becomes a need and less of a pleasure </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
I can still call it home. </div>
<br />
<br />Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-39736995841643422002012-09-22T00:11:00.000+08:002012-09-22T00:11:37.848+08:00look out of the window, where is the light?i used to think its gonna be alright <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i used to think its gonna be better, the worst will be over before you know it </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but where did all this courage go?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
maybe i spent it on the overpriced bags and shoes, or the overheated moments on fridays </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i thought love liberates, its just sorrowful and adds on the never ending list of worries</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but maybe its better to be out in the jungle on your own</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
fight the fate until you are too tired to change whatever situation you got yourself into</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
why but did i let the people closest to me build my prison</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
today he told me he hated the place where he stayed, he said there are no bars on his window at home </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I told him, freedom comes at a price, and not one that a student can ever afford </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
we smiled </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
whoever told us knowledge liberates, are liars </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
when time sets our mind free, its the world that makes our boundaries. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
then love the hurt, so it doesnt hurt no more</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and love no one, until time decide not to wash our shadows away</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
she told me she wanted a room with windows </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
we can't dream when we can't see the light </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
don't you dare to shut that only window left in my world. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
</div>
Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-43925716108929025242012-09-05T11:52:00.002+08:002012-09-05T11:52:31.102+08:00effects of expressionit wasn't until i looked into his eyes that i realise<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
time really shows </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
there were extra scars on his cheeks, the saggy skin under his once tough elbow, the little dandruffs that wasn't there ever before</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am only certain hes mine by the brand that was burnt on his left thigh. I did check. I am scared. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Hes still that same young soul, frisky and unsettled by the smell of fresh carrots. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I saw the same passion for the same thing. The unwillingness to yield, never a shameful or sorrowful glance</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
After devouring his orange prizes, he'll show his impatience. I wonder if he ever tried breaking out of his cell. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He never look you in the eye when he know its time to say goodbye. He gave me and my sister a huge blow, or a snort. As if, simply, "girls". </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When I turned back, attempting to explain my guilt for not having been around, I found him gazing into the distance.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Why, when all is said and done. We tried not to look back. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I heard him calling from his heart. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-37018229391541252602012-08-12T04:48:00.000+08:002012-08-12T04:48:01.339+08:00the three musketeersToday I talked to two respectable men<br />
<br />
both of them have the most splendid smile I've ever seen,<br />
<br />
one told me (smiling), his feet used to be less swollen then before, now he could not eat anything sweet<br />
<br />
the other told me (smiling), he stopped thinking about his dream. He is happy with what he have, achieved and lacked.<br />
<br />
I smiled, only because they did.<br />
<br />
I hope I can be surrounded with people like these<br />
<br />
young at heart, wise in the head, kind to look at.<br />
<br />
<br />
I always believed you can only own something by working towards it.<br />
<br />
The third man I met today told me, that primitive women are accustomed to collect fruits in the summer, for the sake of preparing for winter.<br />
<br />
He said we are all flintstones at heart.<br />
<br />
I winced at the thought, that time did not help us heal, but just made us more aware of the primitiveness within,<br />
<br />
the difference between now and then,<br />
<br />
the extra need of deception.<br />
<br />
but have you ever experiemented with yourself<br />
<br />
that no matter deliberate or not,<br />
<br />
you are either deceiving or being deceived<br />
<br />
so why not be your own Laika<br />
<br />
<br />
It had been a hard 3 years,<br />
<br />
but I believe I can walk out of it fast enough<br />
<br />
before I get too weak to leave.<br />
<br />Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-29985101333147874642012-07-18T21:22:00.001+08:002012-07-18T21:22:39.426+08:00If I want to hold on, I need something to hold on to.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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I still remember,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She asked, “ring or a coat?”<br />
<br />
by whom?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A he? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then coat. Never let the ring possess you, or worse, a
person. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The coat, well, it has its intrinsic function where a ring
does not possess<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can dress it up with a fur, dress it down with some
jeans, undress it and still won't be stripped bare<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why there are things I’d rather not touch, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Better to watch and admire from a distance<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When a ring fell, they count the coats in your closet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the coat falls, you feel lighter, as if you’ve shed the
impeccable layer of nonsense <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t give me a promise, give me your warmth. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Something to hold onto</span><!--EndFragment-->Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-81260935552051428712012-07-15T08:15:00.000+08:002012-07-15T08:19:42.294+08:00don't wait for yesterday to come around.don't feel incompetent. - glass editor<br />
<br />
I felt good, and ashamed. Why but if there is one word that could summarize my 3 years at uni,<br />
<br />
it is the failure to embrace competence. an invisible standard built out of expectations.<br />
<br />
its like trying to reach for what you should be, and falling uncontrollably into the abyss because, in fact, you are too incompetent to be yourself.<br />
<br />
So I tried to search for another standard, and another and another.<br />
<br />
everyday I felt worse, pained because of confusion; felt estranged because people who love me don't know the new me.<br />
<br />
So I claimed to be the new nomad, with the wrong of labelling the path of growth a prolonged mistake<br />
<br />
we danced and laughed like there is no tomorrow,<br />
<br />
and still wished for a better tomorrow<br />
<br />
until I know with this logic in head, I would most probably fail the 101 course on critical thinking<br />
<br />
<br />
after dark, I have fallen many many times into my bear chair<br />
<br />
wishing for a hug that could save me from the numbness,<br />
<br />
the bear with no face.<br />
<br />
We were first numbered, then named, then weighed and finally packed to be delivered.<br />
<br />
<br />
howard said quarantine.<br />
<br />
I said feel safe because you are tinted<br />
<br />
believe that it cannot be the same,<br />
<br />
but better.<br />
<br />Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-28548404506750122752012-07-11T22:02:00.002+08:002012-07-11T22:02:53.465+08:00when it is not hearsay, can evidence doubt love?sniff<br />
and i keep on telling myself its worth it<br />
<br />
but sometimes I can't help but think I've found the wrong focus.<br />
then I wish I can just flutter here and there like a butterfly<br />
land a little too softly so I can always fly away when things go a little worse than expected<br />
<br />
today I acted grown up.<br />
for once no anger swell up inside.<br />
I've let go.<br />
<br />
I once was so very frantic that all could just go down from here<br />
all the love, all the warmth, the faith, a mere feel good factor that feeds me throughout the days<br />
and then I was left with no map, no guide, stranded and estranged.<br />
I tried to hold on to anything, anyone, just something to keep me sane.<br />
<br />
<br />
I found my marie, my bear chair and some lane crawfords and hmvs.<br />
<br />
Until a lanecrawford decided to close down, an hmv decided to leave. I realise its not right to just try to hold on to things, let alone some people, some warmth, some mortar and bricks.<br />
<br />
tangible not, one cannot live in the past. I decided to take a leap into the future<br />
<br />
alone.<br />
<br />
<br />
Then I found love,<br />
when I decided the world is made up of individuals.<br />
I thought, two can be a guardian of some kind of life.<br />
<br />
Then I found myself coming back to this space, trying to find something else.<br />
I used to be so excited about the unknown<br />
until I feel safe only when the light goes out.<br />
<br />
When one saw too much<br />
one just want to breathe.<br />
<br />
<br />
so I took a deep breath,<br />
and flipped open the first page of the documents.<br />
<br />
P.S no matter what, they had given us the love we deserve.<br />
let us not doubt some fact as obvious as love.Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-31221146317061051062012-07-08T08:03:00.001+08:002012-07-08T08:03:43.648+08:00make it belongi realise<br />
<br />
it is not how long you held onto something that made it your own<br />
<br />
it is how much of youself you place into that string of life called time<br />
<br />
to be able to make it your own.<br />
<br />
I used to be afraid to see more<br />
<br />
Given the Rashomon effect, it doesn't matter how much information you have<br />
<br />
it is just down to you and me.<br />
<br />
I don't believe I can still locate my heart when hearsay pulled me into all directions<br />
<br />
so I believe in the story you told<br />
<br />
and take it as our love story.<br />
<br />
I used to want everything to belong<br />
<br />
familiarity is my safehouse.<br />
<br />
I cannot bear the thought of sharing<br />
<br />
especially something I used tears and time to let grow.<br />
<br />
But why, things are never the way you want them to be.<br />
<br />
<br />
if lessons are learnt with less impact than before, please take it as a blessing.<br />
<br />
I will try to strengthen myself with better morals<br />
<br />
and savor the hurt for later.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-26400202829597339782012-07-07T07:42:00.001+08:002012-07-07T07:42:07.547+08:00be a warrior of loveI started writing out of pain<br />
<br />
this is nothing but a product of a self-remedified antidote<br />
<br />
until today<br />
<br />
it is a place for self-teaching<br />
<br />
of bliss :)<br />
<br />
have you ever loved deeply enough<br />
<br />
so much that you feel like words no longer expresses themselves (excuse moi from a blogger)<br />
<br />
so you reach out to everything he love<br />
<br />
and try to love them as well<br />
<br />
so that you can understand how he lived his life<br />
<br />
before you came along.<br />
<br />
Someone used to ask what I will do when I realise i fell in love<br />
<br />
i said without hesitation<br />
<br />
"listen to his music, hear his mind"<br />
<br />
understanding, i thought is a bridge, between human alienation.<br />
<br />
pardon the years, the gaps, the immoralities.<br />
<br />
i thought if one loved enough, one day these realistic spaces will melt like vanilla icecream on warm apple pie<br />
<br />
but i forgot something essential<br />
<br />
that even if i become vanilla icecream, he is still in another medium.<br />
<br />
Love is bilateral.<br />
<br />
<br />
until I met him<br />
<br />
he is not apple pie, but cookies and cream<br />
<br />
i remember the first time we had icecream.<br />
<br />
I decide to pass, "it is too sweet"<br />
<br />
he said "never fear. you only live once"<br />
<br />
Im still skeptical until i realise,<br />
<br />
even if i am in denial of myself, i am still icecream in nature.<br />
<br />
its ok to melt, once in a while.<br />
<br />
so you can make life taste different, live it differently.<br />
<br />
<br />
so long for being vulnerable<br />
<br />
if fear for hurt is the reason for denying love<br />
<br />
then how can i proudly claim i deserve it without scars at the back of my mind<br />
<br />
be a warrior of love<br />
<br />
thats the most I can do.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I hope one day when the candle flame flickers in the dark winding road ahead<br />
<br />
some morning ray will show me the light<br />
<br />
<br />
I love you.Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-34990588709972462762012-07-03T21:52:00.002+08:002012-07-03T21:53:07.077+08:00make me fearless10 min ago, i almost decide to abandon my baby<br />
<br />
why should a rational grown up hide in this little space and try to sing her heart out<br />
<br />
until i told someone important, someone very important<br />
<br />
i miss him.<br />
<br />
i almost felt a tear on my sleeve.<br />
<br />
sometimes, one cannot run away from some real feelings.<br />
<br />
even if you try to make yourself fearless<br />
<br />
feelings are not a synonym of fear<br />
<br />
today i talked to an old friend<br />
<br />
about racism, choice and love.<br />
<br />
he is proud of all the things he didnt believe in.<br />
<br />
i was proud that I didn't believe a single thing he said.<br />
<br />
why but if you just fall a little deeper, look a little further<br />
<br />
you are not losing it but on the course of finding something.<br />
<br />
today i found the reason to believe in love.<br />
<br />
because someone told me its fine to get hurt and make mistakes<br />
<br />
please just dont give up<br />
<br />
just because you feared, never fear for love.Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-15715430070668941052012-07-01T22:01:00.003+08:002012-07-01T22:01:43.540+08:00小心翼翼all this time, i've learnt to be careful. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
all this time, i was told to care less. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
it wasn't to be or not to be </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but to choose and not to indulge </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
not to indulge in merely the good, but to learn to adapt at the worst </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
not to shed your inner compass but to embrace your emotions with your rational thinking</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
to produce a "civilized" choice</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and pursue it by running as fast as you can. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
if only it can be that simple,</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
all being said, it is just a very valid excuse not to abide by overdue deadlines. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
excuse moi </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
it has been good. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
dont be afraid of better </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
time can be manipulated by love </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
please be mine forever. </div>Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-71513040680573066562012-06-29T03:24:00.001+08:002012-06-29T03:24:28.115+08:00something called lovewhen did it become like this?<br />
<br />
i once proudly wrote. I will try my best for a better tomorrow. even if I'm so thoroughly hurt I won't be able to feel anymore<br />
<br />
sometimes things like that should not sound so certain.<br />
<br />
what should one do when they stopped letting themselves feel<br />
<br />
when feeling is always the one and only thing I'm certain of<br />
<br />
why is it hurting when no one is hurting<br />
<br />
why did I stop believing when there is something to believe in again?<br />
<br />
<br />
why am I doing this to myself?<br />
<br />
she said " it feels weird if everything felt too right"<br />
<br />
why did I let her words dictate my life<br />
<br />
I wish and wish and wish I could believe in what he said<br />
<br />
i knew it is not easy for him to do this too<br />
<br />
when I love you meant no more than 3 words and 8 letters<br />
<br />
how can I tell you what is love.<br />
<br />Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-30153377393750501772012-05-28T00:24:00.001+08:002012-05-28T00:24:31.593+08:00I wrote Daisy a letter.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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He once asked me<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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What was one supposed to do when you were interested in
another person<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t think, <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“understand him” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“love what he loves, listen to what he listens to, see the
world from his eyes”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
he didn’t comment, but in my vague memory he said<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“it's a pity you cannot own the person you love”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today I rewatched The Great Gatsby<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wrote Daisy a letter three years ago.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Titled: “ a letter from Jay Gatsby” venue: Gatsby’s poolside
before he was shot <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I wonder what I’ve written.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I was amazed at how differently the same movie spelt itself
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This time, I am mesmerized with Mia Farrow’s hats and hats
and hats.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I no longer cared too much about the missing subtitles or
the lines that appeared in the book and never got to the screen<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was amazed, like moths attracted to the light, no more<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I secretly admired Nick Carraway, being an important nobody
who always get to see the entire of Gatsby’s house<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The green light. Though, still caught my eye<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The villains of love, and who are they?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Its just a movie <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s just love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-72275726927396261532012-05-02T01:26:00.000+08:002012-05-02T01:26:21.543+08:00Do you want to know me? I'll show you what you want to seeit is rare for me to have decided on the title of the post before filling in its content<br />
<br />
I developed a habit not to label anything, including a post as minute and unimportant as this<br />
<br />
the issue of the day:<br />
<br />
to what/whom/where am i accountable<br />
<br />
I used to take bliss in being a little of everything<br />
<br />
like the butterfly that flew here and there<br />
<br />
enjoying the feeling of having made an impression.<br />
<br />
and let everybody remember the lightest, fearless part of me.<br />
<br />
I don't want to make them jealous, no<br />
<br />
just to make them believe<br />
<br />
that something as light as a feather does exist<br />
<br />
that although the world is much deeper than the one before our eyes<br />
<br />
its a blessing just to flutter around and have fun<br />
<br />
it was working<br />
<br />
until accountability sets in my reality<br />
<br />
the need for integrity<br />
<br />
the need for predictablity<br />
<br />
the need for safety<br />
<br />
I felt the most vulnerable when falling into a routine<br />
<br />
I felt that it is for people who doesn't want to think.<br />
<br />
routine was once my safehouse,<br />
<br />
I thought drawing a line and keeping myself within its borders will bring me a long way<br />
<br />
until the mind starts to crave. for things i have never yet imagined<br />
<br />
how can i change my lifestyle to suit my needs.<br />
<br />
i was messed up when I fell out the lines<br />
<br />
I looked around, the world is space.<br />
<br />
much more unpredictable than I could have ever imagined.<br />
<br />
is predictability the necessary component of safety?<br />
<br />
my instinct told me it isn't<br />
<br />
but my rational mind gave me an answer:<br />
<br />
knowledge is safety<br />
<br />
predictability, in subjective terms, is a means<br />
<br />
I hope I get it across good enough.<br />
<br />
<br />
for now, it means<br />
<br />
more reading for the night.<br />
<br />
<br />
p.s. the name of the post was meant to be accountablity. I will never again name my post before I write.Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5192348246332428995.post-3215227301549544212012-04-30T12:12:00.002+08:002012-04-30T12:14:33.015+08:00my little girl"you are so rational"<br />
<br />
i guess when times like finals are just a week away, it is but a sin not to at least unleash the most rational side of yourself to combat all the desires and temptations<br />
<br />
i didn't know a weekend can leave a person so emotionally drained. or more correctly put, a dinner.<br />
<br />
she's nice, sweet, pretty. got the most innocent smile. the biggest heart.<br />
<br />
they meet on the street.<br />
<br />
I felt she was the me I would have been if I hadn't allowed my eyes to see so much<br />
<br />
I brought her to my room, showed her things I would never have let a person in her position to see.<br />
<br />
like my chanel nailpolish collection. and the fact that I feel ashamed for having bought them all but could never use.<br />
<br />
I think I need some friends.<br />
<br />
<br />
Then I came across another song today,<br />
<br />
wanted to tell him so much about. I just knew he would have heard.<br />
<br />
but hesitated since I felt the boundaries I need to construct to make thing straight.<br />
<br />
but then I did, he heard.<br />
<br />
just like that.<br />
<br />
we don't need to share<br />
<br />
he don't need me to care.<br />
<br />
Then the little girl who cares too much need to move on<br />
<br />
and be someone more rational<br />
<br />
so that she will not grab some innocent boy's heart<br />
<br />
and make it her own.<br />
<br />Helen Chauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13146132329998128035noreply@blogger.com0