to my future husband,

i will try to understand if you are unhappy from work

if someone try to make you feel small

smaller than you really are.

i won't mind if you cut your sentence a little too harshly, put down your cup a little too loudly, said you are too tired to talk.

i will try to make home a comfortable shelter for you, a little getawat place away from the storm of emotions and noise out there

i will try to make myself a cheerful cherry, light up your day, remind you that you'll be charged with love and positivism so you are armed against the world

i may not be able to do all the above everyday

but i want to let you know these are my resolutions

and all i ask for in return

is not to make me littler than I already am

lets build this little heaven together

and don't destroy it with your meaness.


i'm your diving bell, you're my butterfly

sometimes i ask myself why do i choose music for my memories

life is one dimensional, a mere motion of images

music helps to make permanent the emotion

when one is capable to love

why is doing what you're capable of, a wrong?

when one is capable of dreaming

why is it vulgar to create heaven on earth?

did my burlesque of emotions, made you feel

you are inferior?

is that feeling, yours or mine to blame?

does my dream have to come in expense of yours?

if i'm a burlesque

if words are a form of expression

both literal and spoken

then so are emotions

and tears

and when did

tell me when

did my expression become you and you and your pain

just handle me like a magazine

flip through me when you are free

don't let me affect you

please don't.

I am too proud to have heard

one-and-a-half hour of black and white motion plus conversation-less love

is way way more exhausting than I could have ever imagined

its too beautiful to see but not sad enough to cry

he asked me if I liked this or the descendants more


didn't reply

I like questions that caught my heart

just like this

and no answer would be better than another question in its place

I guess I don't prioritize beauty, its too vulgar, I'm too ashamed.

oh did I tell you the most beautiful part of the mess,

is when I realise it is not the fact that the protagonist is in denial of conversing

but the fact that he is too proud to listen.

"you're stupid! you're proud!"

I silently tatooed it onto my heart


baby my heart with your love

one year and 2 months.

my dogs days would be over.

and its either heaven or hell out there.


wish me well.


What if

What if we found out our murders our saviour?
What if we dont want to be saved?
Wut if we are all born to die?
What if la dolce vita's a lie

We loved. We lived.


i found out why

today i understood
something more about human

the fact that we are already in debt the moment we are born
the creditors: our parents, our state
made us non-consenusally morally and legally obliged to follow their supervision and authority

dated back to the days when we are still too feeble to stand
such authority is named guidance and care
as we opened our eyes, learnt to stand, to walk and run
we realize there are more dimensions
to love
then we were taught to believe

that sometimes the smile she threw this way
is to hide a guilt she in debted you with, without your knowing
is out of selfishness, a feel-good factor for her, get her mind off harder things
is out of courtesy. because she wanted her daughter to learn to respect her mother as she demonstrated

and then, today, i realise
nothing happens without a reason
if there is something inexplanatory,
its because it happened out of your apprehension/ you are too stuck up to have noticed/ you've been over-dozed with lies and fairtales

because even a smile from your utmost kin
is supplemented with a reason
other than love

or maybe i'm being a little too bitter
bursting too many bubbles at once
be it that ignorance is a latent defect
on the other dimension, its a blessing
if adam and eve remained ignorant
the result is not happiness
(a lot of people got it wrong here)
but contentedness.

so, this is for aristotle,
our life is not a pursuit of happiness
it's contentedness
finding the moderation between knowing and unknown
and learning to survive in between


sometimes its as simple as...

I like you.