this is what you get...for not being practical.

i was delaying this moment of clicking on "new post"
for the time when i have the world to myself on of summer's most starry starry nights
rocking to some jackjohnson's better together sipping chinese i-don't-know-what-it-is herbal tea
that brings just the right amount of cool
to this greyish purple heat

but

same story, don't wana repeat why some planned to last 5 minute session on facebook turned out not to be one, but a dozen
mounting to an hour of nosing typing messaging planning rsvping wall-to-walling
oh and there comes twitter,
the quotes that never fail to surprise
something like
"Women with 'pasts' interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself." ~Mae West
irresistable is an understatement

so in the end
i end up typing all these under a florescent instead
sorry poor beautiful starry starry skies
maybe next time




today
i almost had a fight with mum
(its always mum. esp when your single. and when u dont see ur dad other than at dinner.)
it always started with some light talking
and somehow we stumbled across something practical (i chose the word as i simply see it an equivalent to the dollar sign)
something like the event im hosting next week
to be frank
(see im starting to justify myself without even giving my readers the justice to knowing the cause. excusee moi for my subjectiveness. but this is how it goes)
i'm really hesitant bout the entire hosting action
i know its gona mean nothing but literal trouble
and with my not too much but def not too happy history
i think im right on this point.
yet i didnt know whats going on my mind when i decided to declare it a facebook event. i did it one morning right after i slammed the alarm for the zillionth time.
i think i didnt think straight
but i'd like to think messi didn't spend more than a split of a sec to decide to execute his beautiful scoop to higuian to complete the 4:1
theres no such irrational thing as being rational


but then the mother starting to stray from the number of attendance to something
more PRACTICAL
like dollars/person
i told. i actually did the calculation on a calculator. a real one (not that it makes any difference, just to give a hint of my genuineness)
and then i dunno why ( i never knew why)
she brought up the mystery of the mising 5000. which was like somesth that happened when i wasnt who i am at the moment
i know its my bad for not following up with the case
then she starts it off with some know-it-all lecture
on how to manage money
and not let someone rip you off
it was some familiar tone
namely the you-thought-your-grown-up-enough-to-handle-everythg-but-you're-not one
i had enough of being taught treated spoken to like a child
not when im 18. to be 19.


this time i tried a different attempt. i tried to do what i was told to do for the entire year
defense.
use it not as a sword but as a shield
so that i did.
then she responsed with some "now u are getting angry again"
hell no im not. yeh i am, but its because you are understating me again for losing my temper
there goes the war

then the same old sequence of thoughts start bombarding my emotions
how to look for a job asap to pay my own bills starting from phone bills (which saddens me for a mo considering i just declared my fidelity to blackberry plan and unlimited wi-fi for $380/month)
basically being financially independent
then realising its not even near possible
and then i hate myself for being so useless
getting all worked up for nothing
because i dont have the last ace
and its not even a game of bullshit


there. but the war usually doesn't last long
i think i've out-grown emotions, turned more practical
i think.


and im going to finish the last song tonight
and go to some races tomorrow.
what am i gona wear?
i think i live on short-term memory
i wish.