i am writing a book

did i ever mention i'd like to write a book?
its never enough only reading one
its like eating cheesecake without knowing how to make one yourself
add in all the eggs the digestive biscuit crumbs the...(sorry but my obvious lack of talent in the field of cooking forbids me to continue. i swear i'll know it by heart someday. the recipe i mean. but for now, two is the most i can come up with without resorting to all-mighty google)

so the next question (or THE MAIN QUESTION) is:
what should i write about
i still can't figure out how writers come up with imaginary stories.
for me its as impossible as composing a piece of music without stealing a bit of mozart a bit of some sonata in D major...(the dotdotdots are explicable: also a tribute to my lack of talent in music. no. i just feel like i've landed in Mars if you make me confront some 5 black lines and little dancing notes. no. it only brings back nightmares.)

back to the main question.
so no to imaginary stories. (how ridiculous it is to write about something that is so unrelated to your own life and pretend you've had the birdseye view to some character's mind and heart. no i won't commit crimes as disrespectful)
so it must be something real. something me related. the first thing that comes to mind is a biography of THE FATHER. not that im going all team dad as fathers day is within a weeks time
its more like an excuse to reveal the mysteries of this man in my life
theres something he didn't tell something more i'd like to know
or maybe it's just some desperate desire for recognition
to let him know i've become something more
than the little girl who got herself lost in apartment stores

this maybe it. but i dont feel like its it.
there's still something i'd like to perfect.
so that means there's still a long way to perfection.


something real. checked.
something moi related. checked.
something...a little more...me...
what about a biography of me?
ok this sounds a little absurd
why would anyone like to know how i studied 24/7 for my cert examinations and my first pee on the bed?
no one would read something like that, let alone publish it
so an account of me life would be out of the picture
i'm throwing it out of my mind this very instant

now this is getting as hard as choosing the subject to write your EE on (IB students sounds familiar?)
something that has happened in my life that transformed me....
....
......
........
AH. the realisation.
something that starts with L
goes on with some P
ends with an assuring C

those were certainly days that changed my life
entirely.
it was a year of opening my new born eyes
a year of knowing accepting experiencing loving hating liking disliking procrastinating reminiscing

if LPC is a place worthy of anything
it would be comparable to my very own dreamwork factory
its a place where dreams are produced pursued (sometimes..polluted by realities)
its some fond times i would never stop retelling
and the transformation it did to me only takes it form in its aftermath (aka college)
and now i feel thats it
thats the thing i'd write about
and with the benefit of hindsight
i'll no doubt sugar-coat some realities
but do we really want the truth?
or some stories
that melts hearts and allures conscience?

hehe. some visual mindmapping i've done in the above
i hope this doesnt bore you too much
but it won't.
this im sure of
cause nobody but tlf's reading.
maybe some is
but shhh....
just pretend you didn't stumble across my words
so i can still dream that i have this little space to myself

shhh
goodnight