baby my heart with your love

one year and 2 months.

my dogs days would be over.

and its either heaven or hell out there.

please

wish me well.

What if

What if we found out our murders our saviour?

What if we dont want to be saved?

Wut if we are all born to die?

What if la dolce vita's a lie

We loved. We lived.

i found out why

today i understood

something more about human

the fact that we are already in debt the moment we are born

the creditors: our parents, our state

made us non-consenusally morally and legally obliged to follow their supervision and authority

dated back to the days when we are still too feeble to stand

such authority is named guidance and care

as we opened our eyes, learnt to stand, to walk and run

we realize there are more dimensions

to love

then we were taught to believe

that sometimes the smile she threw this way

is to hide a guilt she in debted you with, without your knowing

is out of selfishness, a feel-good factor for her, get her mind off harder things

is out of courtesy. because she wanted her daughter to learn to respect her mother as she demonstrated

and then, today, i realise

nothing happens without a reason

if there is something inexplanatory,

its because it happened out of your apprehension/ you are too stuck up to have noticed/ you've been over-dozed with lies and fairtales

because even a smile from your utmost kin

is supplemented with a reason

other than love

or maybe i'm being a little too bitter

bursting too many bubbles at once

be it that ignorance is a latent defect

on the other dimension, its a blessing

if adam and eve remained ignorant

the result is not happiness

(a lot of people got it wrong here)

but contentedness.

so, this is for aristotle,

our life is not a pursuit of happiness

it's contentedness

finding the moderation between knowing and unknown

and learning to survive in between

sometimes its as simple as...

I like you.

until then

The idyllic week in dubai was an escape, as well as a literal full stop,

To the denial the rebellion the unnecessary pain

They say dreamers spend too much time dwelling on imaginary torture

Always fooled themselves in thinking theres way more to what is already seemingly true

Sometimes somethings are no more than a hault, a breath, a sigh

But there are some other things, which deserve the pained endurance of time

Under the moonlit path, she spoke so carelessly of the unspoken

“can you believe that she’s gone?”

I rummaged the clean brisky air for an answer

“it felt like yesterday when she left the house, the last dinner we had, when she called about the cake design. We all hoped she’ll just get it over with. Are we being a little too harsh?”

for a minute, I don’t know what to say

its not guilt, its not melancholy. Its just a plain truth.

“I think we’ll have to get used to the absent extra birthday cake.”

Sometimes, I think our minds and body know better of themselves than we do of them

We should not spend time on telling our mind when to stop thinking

Or our body when to stop eating

Maybe we just need to focus more on survival

The ultimate time killer

Until then,

With love.

i see

its funny how your mind clear itself in the mornings

these days it seemed to have gone through years

when i was asleep

so everyday i opened my eyes

to another long denied truth

something i have chosen in indeliberately, to stay blind to

or deliberately to rummage for in the confusion of youth

somethings like

the little bruises he got when he scratched himself on the uneven wallpaper

yesterday when he couldn't walk in a straight line, anymore.

I was too held up in the clouds to have noticed.

somethings like

the lingering look i threw at him

when we bid farewell in the car

when he didn't return one of a similar kind

and i still thought the kiss goodbye's

a lot sweeter than it should be

somethings like

i thought i'll be one of the girls who'll get through all the love, unhurt

though wrong way-ed, praying the somebody who said theres a price to pay for every happiness is another rambler

somehow suddenly,

they fell into place

the eyes once i've tried so hard to open

opened themselves

a little too wide on this early chinese new year morning

so little girls

when they said you've grown up a little too early

it's definitely not a compliment.

this is not a joke. So please start smiling

he said

helpless is when

you can't wake up from a nightmare

i thought

hopeless is when

you are too sad you don't know how to love

we both lost something

someone important in our lives

is it the sudden emptiness that defines the pain

or the lack of love of smiles of hugs

the confusion of tangible nostalgia that should be exposed, but refrained?

love is a hanging petal of a rose

too beautiful to touch

too beautiful just to watch

from a distance

and the moment the contact is made

it fell, all signs of life waived

in another time

or another space

i'll hold you

and maybe, should have told you

thank you for only leaving trials

of laughter

that day i dropped you off at your place

the first time i drove

you sat frozen in the passenger seat

i saw you left

i secretly wanted to rush home

you secretly peeped through the gate

we secretly hoped that it would be the beginning of new days

Thank you

you taught me how to love.