yesterday, I watched an old movie.
great cast, simple plot, deep.
I have no memory of the circumstances in which the movie was introduced to me, but I chose to watch it again on the day when one of the most important persons in my life bid me a swift farewell in search of her dreams.
I tried my tears, none respond.
I used to think, its such tragic beauty to be real-life cinderella. Working for every bit of one's future.
But I was blind to the hurt. physical and psychological.
I did not notice the signs our body displayed. the warnings of nature.
I let my mind rein my body, and left my soul scarred and weak.
I thought I could endure the pain.
Yes, but only the painful effort towards a meaningful goal. Not the pain of reality. the unnecessary shame which arouse from excessive determination.
Time taught me, to make good use of tools. including ourselves, the little cucumber inside our head.
sometimes, being in a place is a choice, but its a well-thought out one.
co-incidences are consequences of wilful blindness.
Helen Keller said, cripple one of your senses, and the others grow stronger.
I don't want it to be my eyes.
I like rabbits, and horses, and anything that don't make unnecessary sounds.
I am a sheep.
From today, I will try to control through understanding, choose with a utilitarian egoist attitude.
I have made good use of the time I wasted.
Maybe now is the start of some real challenge.
God, wish me well.