Hi, I am helen

after 3 years since the first day i met this space

I realise I haven't yet formally introduced myself.

I am Helen, a girl from Hong Kong. I am always troubled with about-me boxes. because I realise everytime the things that constitutes me changes so constantly and I am running too slow to catch up on myself, I always end up

with a new me.

Well, except the about me I wrote permanently on facebook and twitter and here in my profile.

Because words made it permanent, so when I read those descriptions I once wrote about myself, it reminded me of who I was

and after 3 years,

I found out I am still me.

so much about being lost.

so I'll continue here...

I am a little girl from Hong Kong. The smallest cosmopolitan city you can find on the map. I used to be proud that it doesn't even exist on the map. It is a dot.

and I thought we were taught that the basic component of every matter is particles.

If Hong Kong is a dot, then I guess American, Asia and Russia is made up of thousands and millions and zillions of Hong Kong.

That, makes being proud, an understatement.

I am a very dependent girl with a one-track mind, often taken back by how complicated life, people things are. I have no idea what I like, because I hate the feeling of dislike, and I learnt that getting a scholarship into college means acing at elimination.

so far, I journeyed through 20 years of my life through elimination.

I dislike her because, I like her because

opps. I don't know.

But my primary school teacher said its rude to answer in an incomplete sentence.

a full complete sentence begins with I + a verb + a because.

I started to freak out when I start waking up to a missing because and then the verb becomes meaningless and I look so alone.

so I began venturing through the world with new verbs, a new attitude

mother said sometimes its not reasonable to reason everything you do.

but she always ask why.

so the girl from hong kong starts looking for a new you.

teacher said I & YOU is not the correct grammer, it should be YOU & I.

so, with every you I ran into, I tried to step back a little.

YOU first, I'll follow.

but YOU are so happy in your little world of 3 letters, I look so insignificant.

I try to make myself known to the world, tried to simplify you into an alphabet and place you 12 alphabet after me.

I thought this way, you'll learn your lesson.

and then we are so far apart,

I don't need you, nor do you need me.

so that's how I spent my 2 years.

trying to prioritize.

myself before Us and after A

sandwiched happily in the middle.

sometimes I look at A and it made me think of effiel tower and paris,

and I thought, my dreams would come true in that land.

and when I got there, I forgot my dreams. I got too busy catching cabs to duck the rain.

anyways. I wonder whats out there

the you I will eventually meet.

I think everything matters, the noun, the verb, the adjective and the reason.

but its better to learn your grammer

and go on with life.