有些歌，不應現在唱

let me tell you what happened today

i was walking right out of the bathroom when he suddenly said

"not every girl like alcohol"

just like that

and the amazing thing is not what he said

its my reaction

I hesitated. and smiled.

so there are nothing left to talk about other than hurting

_____________________________________________

the little guy is pacing my room right now, frantically

he desperately need a phone number to save him, or literally his textbook

"my friend said he will fax it to me later"

"Don't trust a single thing men say."

even little men.

babies cry

i didn't know how and when did this thought flew into my mind

but sometimes when i see a baby cry

hysterically

i wonder whats going on in their little head

if being left alone can make a little guy make noise so loud that the world seem to be able to be shattered by it

i used to reprimand them

if only you know whats ahead, then you'll tune it a little lower. a little lower, until you just absorb the pain

then it occurred to me today

maybe everything we are crying about is the same

now, then, later.

" good afternoon, I didn't know what to say"

say, there is indeed a huge load of consistencies between marx and us, chinese.

often i need to let my brain breathe a little after 2 intense hours of marx and webber brainwash.

believe me, when at some point of the lecture, I kind of got carried away and had this little thinking that my scottish lecture is planting some sort of seed of revolution into our little cramped minds.

nevermind, no one will be bothered to react, there are too much deadlines. I ignored my thought.

but its tremendously fulfilling what I received this morning on legal theories. I wondered why the law faculty did not try to put this way before we start all the contract law and tort law and commercial law

it would at least make more sense.

ok, so i am trying to let my brain breathe

so i texted someone important and all i said was

" good afternoon, I didn't know what to say"

I hope it is not too much for today.

there is only one reality

the first emotion that came to my mind when i finished reading haruki murakami's 1Q84 is

shame.

why can the protagonist try to implant this idea of the importance of making reality a one-dimensional statement. and haruki murakami made it sound like a caution sign.

to me, it sound like

"beware, there is only one reality"

what about the other dimensions? the music? the love? the colours?

what about our tainted perceptions, the morality of different cultures?

i am a true unbeliever of universality

but then, now as i progress along the book.

i think i took it too seriously

and out of context.

and i tainted the statement with my own emotions. moral values. prejudice (yet again)

i think all he wanted to convey is

"don't try to make anything more than it should be"

and to me,

it is

to let makeup be make up, clothes be clothes, art for arts sake

and if law is what governs our survival

I guess it is only reasonably legitimate

to invest more time and effort into completing my degree

like it or not,

it meant more than makeup and clothes.

maybe not family

but not anything less.

i am who i am.

i wake up because im hungry

i sleep becoz im too tired from thinking

i hide becoz i am doing everything i shouldnt do

i smile becoz no one wants to see you cry

i left becoz its not gonna work

i stood here becoz i duno where to go

i run becoz you can never get what you want by walking

i am angry becoz it hurts

i am lonely becoz i am alone.

i am broke becuase happiness comes with a price tag

i am silent becoz everyone is busy going on with their lives and no one wants to know

i dont want to go home because i dont deserve it

i am happy becoz i need to be

i am sad becoz it doesn't matter anymore.

state of mind.

beatles said

its just a state of mind.

if i try to classify relationship into three distinct domains

1. actus reus

2. mens rea

3. reputation/ status

are all three necessary conditions for relationship to exist?

what is the determinant factor?

status.

its the reality.

the first is merely a state of mind, the second an illusion.

the reality is: my will is stronger than i believe; my body weaker than i thought

you =body and soul

teach yourself that the state of nature is a messy warzone

so you'll learn to appreciate the boundaries

not only the boundaries e.g. the rule of law

but morality.

and principles

in the end,

integrity is my new muse.

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother "what will i be"

i want to write, but what do i want to write about?

i am a law student, but i don't want to reduce my writing to standard forms

i am writing an article for a fashion & lifestyle magazine, but I don't want to write about jason wu and derek lam.

i am reading a book about personal love experiences written by a local chinese author, but i don't want to publicize my pain

I read an article from the guardian this morning, in response to Kony 2012. Its full of quotes and arguments from different perspectives. Full of criticisms and insights. It didn't convey any message, it is just selectively informative.

That. is what i want to write about.

but I can't be a journalist. no i can't go out there in uganda writing about another person's plight. because i just came home from a half-hour taxi ride and I already want to throw my stomach away.

what you want is often something you don't need.

there are two things I will do:

1. finish e-mailing my interviewees about my style tribe piece.

2. email my comments to the new mediation bill that would be commented by the legislative council.

remember, it is dangerous to muddle emotion with work.