my quarantine

a day ago
i thought l-o-v-e should be spelt p-a-i-n
so i cried
and cried
and cried
until my heart tell me
it hurt enough
now you deserved it

a day later
i realise l-o-v-e is spelt m-e
it doesnt take two to love
it takes a big heart
some 6 year-old's eyes
legs thats strong enough to pick one up after a fall
and arms to carry the world

maybe one day you'd change the rules of the game
without me knowing
i'd be thankful for the silence you've chosen
i never really see the need to waste words
to sugar-coat a beautiful truth
if you don't love me no more
i promise
i will be happy because you did.

they say it come and goes
sometimes like a ninja sometimes a whirlwind
sometimes you turn my world upside down
i have to turn myself downside up to make it all right
or i'll drown in my own pain
this time
there's no right side
theres only time and space
so u and i can create
a new dimension

i told natalie over bbm
i'm happy because you are. for the first and very first time in my life
i can stand on my own
on my own
then i realise
there are still many first times
first time i learn to smile
when my mother told me with tears in her eyes "gona spend more time with grandma aye?"
first time i feel physical pain
taking off my earring
first time i feel
like i'm being myself again

i thought i'd lost myself
in time
the day i stepped into claridges
wheres home
wheres everything that helped spelt s-a-f-e in my world?

with she gone he gone they left she fell in love he fell out of love he went to court i went to work
she dropped out of school we cried because of school we missed highschool she hated highschool mum cried dad hide i loved he drank we smoked we kissed i said fuck u you said u too i said morning he got tired of this i waited he advised i smiled he smiled

if i can objectify how being 19 should be
it should be madness
with a tint of strawberry smile
this is where he said

"underneath the smoky eyes, always give yourself a blend of roman holiday and little darling"

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