the contagious depression of a library

if everything that seem to persist will eventually become the norm
then i hope time can lend a hand
by speeding things up a little
so i can start calling
this empty space
life


sadly, it occurred to me that
there are merely two simple verbs
that fuelled us through time -

1. hoping

2. NOT thinking

when you start doing the reverse
aka START thinking START feeling
time always win by throwing tantrums
initially by refusing to walk, crawl, and eventually come to a halt.
it works a little like the moon and the earth
when you move it stayed, and you can only feel it moving when you stayed.


its a pity how emptiness became the norm
its a pity how much pity you receive when you actually feel like you are living for the first time
first love, first kiss, first sweet dream
they all say
don't love don't kiss don't dream
just live

tell me
please
am i moving or am i not
am i living for love or not living because i loved.

why are things so damn complicated.
it this the means or the end
does it matter?


some say
you'll grow numb to all the pain
but if pain is the north pole, i am its south
this may sound crazy but i can only feel my soul through cuts and bruises
and if theres this time and space where i feel comfortable in
i feel scared
that all this may end
that this is the dream
because they say you say we all know (even if we dont say)
that pain is a synonym of life

i remember this girl killing me softly through the phone
by uttering some ugly question
"where are my tears?"

girl i hate to see you cry
but please do so once in a while
so that i can still recognize you