it is rare for me to have decided on the title of the post before filling in its content
I developed a habit not to label anything, including a post as minute and unimportant as this
the issue of the day:
to what/whom/where am i accountable
I used to take bliss in being a little of everything
like the butterfly that flew here and there
enjoying the feeling of having made an impression.
and let everybody remember the lightest, fearless part of me.
I don't want to make them jealous, no
just to make them believe
that something as light as a feather does exist
that although the world is much deeper than the one before our eyes
its a blessing just to flutter around and have fun
it was working
until accountability sets in my reality
the need for integrity
the need for predictablity
the need for safety
I felt the most vulnerable when falling into a routine
I felt that it is for people who doesn't want to think.
routine was once my safehouse,
I thought drawing a line and keeping myself within its borders will bring me a long way
until the mind starts to crave. for things i have never yet imagined
how can i change my lifestyle to suit my needs.
i was messed up when I fell out the lines
I looked around, the world is space.
much more unpredictable than I could have ever imagined.
is predictability the necessary component of safety?
my instinct told me it isn't
but my rational mind gave me an answer:
knowledge is safety
predictability, in subjective terms, is a means
I hope I get it across good enough.
for now, it means
more reading for the night.
p.s. the name of the post was meant to be accountablity. I will never again name my post before I write.