I can't promise to heal you. But if you want to, I will try.

if you have to make me name my one imperfection
i'd tell u right away
its a pity i'm made up of tears

today, in between fishballs and tsuiwah, my world is flooded
with a few things. consecutively:
1. the truth
2. my truth
3. her truth

i remember vaguely there were a few names, a few mentioning of incidences
that never fail to blur the surroundings
something like the fact that
i never knew the kind of sport shoes my brother needed
the amount of time i kept my mum waiting in the dim light
the long long walk i had with dad in paris
the fact that i realise
he never knew
how i grew up in the past 18years


my mum always reassured me:
"he'd done everything a father should've done"
but if there's a little black book of love
i'd like to think theres nothing named "last but not least"
why?
why?
why didn't you even try
to talk to understand to allow yourself be vulnerable for once
i've told you and i'll tell you once again

don't be afraid when you see my tears
it just meant
i've chosen to be vulnerable so that i can still love

please
talk to me
talk to her
talk
before
we closed all doors.

讓我這樣吧

sometimes
i just want to spare some words
some melancholy some reminiscence some i dont understand
for some time
sometime
later


don't make me talk
don't rummage for my smile
when all i want
is to look

feel

to hide

disappear for a while

happy birthday john lennon. but today, lets go back to 1970

no more questions. this is why.

my heart will wait.

do u sometimes find youself asking yourself :

"do i like ___?"



does it feel right?




for the past week, i have people telling me to wake up. but from what? (thank you for sending me a virtual text message/ more like a virutal sword through my hanging heart)

if i can be of control. i will. needs i can control. desire, wants, emotions. i can.

but my heart. i cannot.

i've spelt it out differently to different people. an addiction? an abuse? a wrong turn of fate? loneliness? give me a noun and i will replace all the above.

on the swings he silently killed the remains of my innocence.
he said it like its something i should be shamed of
or worse
i saw too much pity in his eyes
as if he's laughing at this drowning girl, gasping for breath, and letting her be.
knowing we all need to die once before we know.

know.
knowing.
one of the top 10 lectures from dad:
"don't even pretend you know what happened in those days"
i wish i knew
i really do.
if it can bridge the hole between us. i will do anything to fill the gap

tell me how to go back to 1939. and i will tell you how much i really know.

so i hold onto the belief,
that i have to know.
i'll give anything in exchange to understand
the brutality of mankind

on the swings, the pendulum of my conscience felt as heavy as the truth.
it swayed, it lingered
ignorance_________innocence___________knowing_________truth
where should i land
if i could never fly again


and then i found the answer
so stupid am i (as always)
it was right there
right in front of me
looking right back

it was in his eyes.


he was mocking. he was laughing. but his eyes were crying.
he was mourning
for he decided to never go back.

maybe everyone have to go through this once. him twice. thrice. too many times.
but not everyone ends up broken
i'll be the first one to fix myself
thank you for shedding light on the truth
but i'll rather not take your hand.

when your heart tells your mind to break itself
then let it be
if i have to believe in one thing and if its anything
it's that life wouldn't break itself

its' gona be alright.
i'm gona be ok.
its meant to last forever.
and forever it will be.

i''m loving angels instead

shes heartbroken
hes only sorry
hes heartbroken
hes sorry for me

last night
we stripped our hearts naked
one guard down
one at a time
revealing
a bloody angel
tangled in its own wings

i've been told
that salvation lets their wings unfold
then unfold mine
before i decide
to shed them

girl, dont let any more tears fall. dont let it wet the feathers and make it too heavy to fly again



boy. thankyou for telling me i'm bleeding. I thought I was flying


but even though we are all hurt torn deceived disappointed
i'm not going to say ciao to forever
i'd rather die bleeding
then die hopeless
a lot of us out there
are dead men walking
i'm joining you in another lifetime


please
don't judge
don't define
don't give up

be it that we are fools
tools
of love of devils of selfishness
u really think we've lost? you lose when you stop playing. when you stop letting yourself be vulnerable to all the hurt
i'm gona die
trying
to get away from that perfect sky


to: death is the mother of beauty

我一個人也會過得很好。

thomas price used 3 languges in his anphetamine (just to let you know: censored)
his english is a shame.
i added a few names to the little black book "lovers i met and liked"


i told you
"there are fewer listeners in this world than i thought there would be"


you told me
" family is the reason of your wounds"


robbie williams said
"Words come easy when they're true"




merci. i listened.