to be honest, i do feel the same. Its hard to complain when everything is so supposedly perfect, but somehow there's always this strange feeling haunting me that it's not enough. Or maybe its the fear that I might not be able to sustain such a lifestyle with my own competence that kept me troubled at times. The best way to put it: growing up is a mixed feeling. especially when you're 19, it often feels like you're stuck in the middle of an annoying traffic, often wondering how you got here, not knowing whats hindering you, and not knowing whats ahead.
My dad, oh well, i know hes the best piece of advice but he could be as stubborn as a mule. i used to oppose him a lot just for the sake of making sure he's not the only one talking. but either its me who's getting older or its him or both of us, it seems like there's nothing to fight about these days. the house seems strangely quiet now.
yup. i'm 19. i hope i look as mature as i sound (haha) but really, if you get to know me, i'm everything but mature. maybe it's the way i talk. as for your deep questions, i guess its the aftermath of your mind-refreshing spiritual trip. fortunately enough i'm a thinker too and yes i've questioned myself so many times i'm starting to get used to the confusion. i used to get all worked up and felt very uncomfortable for being in the wrong place or doing the things that are just not me. but then i start to realise the rebel in me is actually my motivation. and like i've said, we are always curious of whats happening on the other side of the world. maybe we just need to pretend we are visitors living our lives through foreign eyes. then things like burning your own fireplace would sound more interesting than it really is.
p.s i hope little things like this email (/blogpost) can light up your day :)