a stroll down memory lane

after a stroll down memory lane on a frisky morning, i realise there are a few flaws i found within moi.

first, it is almost impossible for me to forget the details, the good in everyone of them. i know it all ended in a bad way, but almost everytime when i start to recall i only remember the good bits. never did the tears and tiredness blur the bliss, because when i lied down with him under the starlight on the roof above the gym, i really did thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

then some other best things happened, like how we counted off the places on the map above his bed, counting off the places where we'll be heading off to after the exams. i remember the map of life he drew on my bed, linking the dots counting the days when we can meet again somewhere in the middle after he came back from lse and me in hk.

maybe its the way he stayed by my side when i had fever, or the post-it he left beside my bed that made me tied to all these. and till now, i still can't remember the reason
why i decide to throw all this into the sea left him driving off into the dark into the future. alone.

sometimes remembering all the good make you feel worse, and often you are left alone to deal with the hollowness that came from the sea of whys.

and since i can only remember the happiness in the aftermath,

this time i tried to make it feel worse, so when it was all over, i can enjoy the relief.

but i guess, life doesn't work by elimination.